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y a FALSE 

NOTE. 

J. DE W. GIBBS. 



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A FALSE NOTE 



% Comttig in #m %d 



BY J 

J. DE W. GIBBS 







BOSTON 



i A 

CHARACTERS 

MAJOR JUDKINS. 

PERCY FENN A young man of musical proclivities 

GRANVILLE CRAWLEY ....... . ... An artist 

MISS JUDKINS Major's sister, aged 45 

MISS ELIZABETH PARTRIDGE Aged 40 

ALICE CAREY A widow of 22 

LUCY Miss Judhins* maid 




COPYRIGHT, 1888, 

By Walter H. Baker & Co. 



BOSTON: 
S. J. Parkhill & Co., Printers, 



TMP92-009147 



A FALSE NOTE. 



Scene. — Major Judkins' house. Garden at back; r. and 
L., entrances, liable, L. c. ; writing-desk, R. c. ; sofa, L. ; 
chairs, r. ; piano, r. Miss Judkins a7id Lucy, ivith 
bowl of red dye, at table, l. c, dipping in white stock- 
ings. 

Miss J. Lucy, it's a splendid shade of red, and, now that 
white stockings are no longer in fashion, it will certainly 
make a beautiful new set out of my old ones. 

Lucy. La, yes, Miss ! And there's nothing more be- 
coming, just above the shoe, Miss, than a little touch of 
bright red ! 

Miss J. Above the shoe, Lucy! I am not calculating 
upon having my stockings show. It is simply, as I said 
before, that white ones are no longer fashionable .; and, hav- 
ing several good pairs, I thought I would try this red dye as 
being as economical and unobtrusive a color as I could find. 

Lucy. Why not leave them white, Miss, if they're never 
to show ? 

Miss J. Lucy, that suggestion is unworthy of you. That 
would be insincere. 

Lucy. See what a beautiful color it makes your hand ! 
{Holding hand up ; aside.) My! What a complexion you 
could have ! {Exit Lucy, l.) 

{Enter Major Judkins, r.) 

Maj. Maria, what do you think ? Our old friend Craw- 
ley is in town ! 
'Miss J. What, Granville Crawley, the artist ? 

Maj. The same. Of course, we must try to make it 
pleasant for him while he is here — nice fellow, though a 
little careless about his dress — 

Miss J. Careless, Elihu ? That's not carelessness — it's 
art. It is much more difficult, and takes a deal more plan- 
ning, to make your clothes look as if they were coming off, 
3 



4 A FALSE NOTE. 

and yet have them stay on, than it is to dress like the rest of 
the world. 

Maj. Well, it may be difficult, but it is very untidy. 
When a man puts on a hat, I like to see a hat, and not some 
queer slab-sided plush concern. The same with neckties. 
He wears rags, always. Do you mean to say he does it on 
purpose ? 

Miss J. I quite agree, I like things neat ; but, as you 
just said, Mr. Crawley is a good fellow. 

Maj. And I'll tell you what it is, Maria, we must invite 
him here to stay. It will never do, after that queer show he 
gave for us at his studio in New York, not to be hospitable. 

Miss J. Well, invite him by all means. {She takes the 
stockings out of the dye, and puts them, rolled in little balls, 
on a sheet of paper on table) Why don't you write to him 
now, and then Lucy can take the note at once, and we shall 
see him here soon after lunch. 

Maj. True. I will adopt your suggestion. A woman's 
mind is always so fertile in detail ! 

{Exit Miss Judkins with bowl, r. Major sits at desk.) 

Maj. Let me see, now. ( Writes.) 

" My dear friend. Hearing of your arrival in town, I has- 
ten to bid you make our house your headquarters during 
your stay." — We will trust to Providence that he doesn't 
intend to spend the winter. — " My sister joins me in the 
hope that our invitation may meet with your approval. 
" Ever sincerely yours, 

" Elihu Judkins." 

{Enter Percy Fenn, with mttsic paper, manual of har- 
mony, etc. He has long hair, and wears glasses. He sits 
by piano, R., and begins to write.) 

Maj. (aside). That fellow will wear his eyes to the bone, 
toiling over that plaguey music. (Writes.) "P. S. We 
trust that your aesthetic influence may be brought to bear on 
our nephew, Percy Fenn, who is now a man so entirely of 
one idea that he is never without his manual of harmony, 
and talks of nothing but music. " There ! (Upsets ink- 
stand^) Dear, dear ! Just my luck ! Good gracious, how 
unfortunate ! (Sops up ink with handkerchief) 

Percy (looking calmly round). Agitato con expressione. 
So you've upset the ink? 

Maj. (piqued). Yes, I have, and much you care! Dear, 



A FALSE NOTE. 5 

dear ! I must go and perform immediate ablutions ! {Places 
inky handkerchief 071 table, beside red stockings, and exit L.) 

Percy (quietly). That's so like the major — always fuss- 
ing over things of minor importance." True also of music. 
But even counterpoint ceases to be the keynote to a man's 
existence the morning after he has met the woman whom he 
loves. Yes, strange as it may seem, I love. I met her last 
night at the musicale. Mrs. Hobgoblin introduced me — I 
saw — she spoke — I loved. This is not a crotchet ! (Puts 
hand on heart.} My heart, even in the calm morning light, 
beats eight quavers to a bar! Her lovely name is Alice — 
Alice Carey. She said I interested her, and she asked me 
to call. But in my rapture and enthusiasm I must not for- 
get her address. I will write it down ! (Goes to desk and 
takes etivelope ; writes?) " Mrs. Louis Carey, 24 Maine St." 
(Enter Miss Partridge, r.) 

Miss P. (speaking off). I will wait for Miss Judkins, 
Lucy ; tell her there is no hurry. Ah, Mr. Fenn, good- 
morning ! Busy at your music, I suppose, as usual ? 

Percy (rising). Yes — that is — not this moment. I 
have leisure for the " shake." (Extends his hand.*) 
(Enter Major, l. ) 

Maj. (obsequiously). Ah, my dear Miss Partridge ! How 
is your precious health this morning ? Permit me ! (Gal- 
lantly kisses her hand. She giggles.) 

Percy (aside). I feel like a diminished third — of minor 
importance ! I will go. 

(Takes papers from piano, and exit, c) 

Miss P. Oh, Major Judkins! You are so very polite! 
Quite a gentleman of the old school — for so young a man ! 

Maj. My sister will be down in a moment. Will you not 
be seated ? (She sits, r.) You will excuse me just one 
moment? I have to close an important note, which must go 
at once. 

Miss P. Certainly ! Do not mention it ! 

(He puts note into the envelope which Percy has directed, 
and lights candle to seal it.) 

Maj. Miss Partridge, don't you want to do me a favor ? 

Miss P. (simpering). What is it, Major Judkins? It 
would depend upon so many things ! 

Maj. Come and seal this note for me ! The delicate 
woman's touch adds such a charm ! 

(Holds out wax engagingly.) 



6 A FALSE NOTE. 

Miss P. Dear me, Major ! I don't see why you should 
think that I can seal a letter better than you ! {Crosses over 
and heats wax.} What! With your seal! Why, I might 
be arrested for forgery ! 

Maj. No danger ; and be expeditious, for the wax will 
get cold ! 

{She presses the seal on wax. Major takes letter and 
kisses seal.} 

Miss P. You foolish, romantic goose ! {Crosses again 

to R.) 

Maj. {fondly}. "J" is not a bad initial, is it? {Calls 
off, L.) Lucy ! Lucy ! {Enter Lucy, l.) Deliver this 
note at once. {Exit Lucy, with note, l.) There ; now my 
duties are over. By the way, I don't believe I directed that 
note ! Lucy ! (Miss P. looks at pictures, etc. Re-enter 
Lucy, l.) Lucy, is that note addressed ? 

Lucy {looking at it). Yes, sir. {Aside, as she goes 
out.) I wonder who Mrs. Louis Carey is. {Exit L.) 

Maj. Very strange. I suppose I was thinking of some- 
thing else while I was writing the name. {Looks fondly at 
Miss P.) 

{Enter Miss Judkins.) 

Miss J. Ah, Elizabeth, my dear ! I'm so glad you could 
come ! I hope you've brought your work, so that you can 
spend a good long day ! 

Miss P. I have. And I've brought you a fine bit of 
news. 

Miss J. Ah ! Do tell it ! 

Miss P. Do you remember old Mr. Chester ? 

Miss J. The half-brother to Colonel Kildair ? 

Miss P. You may call him a half-brother, if you choose, 
but I have heard that there was more or less doubt as to 
who he was ! At any rate, I never repeat scandal. Well, 
you know Mr. Chester's son had a daughter? 

Maj. Yes, two or three. 

Miss P. I refer to one. His daughter Alice. 

Miss J. Hush, my dear, we do not speak of his daughter 
Alice. You know she eloped from boarding-schools, and did 
all sorts of irregular things. 

Miss P. I am aware of it — any number of things such as 
don't go on in the best society. 

Maj. Yes, they do, my dear Miss Partridge — yes, they 
do. Only we don't hear of them. 



A FALSE NOTE. 7 

Miss J. Elihu ! You wretched cynic ! The idea of 
young ladies in first circles running away promiscuously 
with young men ! Go on, Elizabeth — you had got to his 
son's daughter Alice. 

Miss P. She is in town. She has come quite recently. 
You know she married a man named Carey — 

Maj. Why," I thought — 

Miss P. Yes, she did marry him ; but that doesn't alter 
the fact that she ran away from boarding-school to do it. 
Her husband is dead now, and fine havoc she will make 
among the young hearts J The designing creature is very 
pretty, and has money ! 

Miss J. Dear, dear ! How one vice does lead to another ! 
But of course she won't be received ? 

Miss P. I hope not by my friends. But Mrs. Hobgoblin 
invited her to the musicale last night, and the shameless 
creature had the audacity to accept ! 

Maj. Well, really — what is the harm in accepting an 
invitation ? 

Miss J. You would be much gratified, I've no doubt, if 
she accepted an invitation to this house ; but she won't get 
it, I can assure you. You ought to know better than to 
treat such things flippantly, Elihu ; you an uncle, with a 
young nephew to bring up ! 

Lucy (appeari?ig, l.). Luncheon is ready, Miss. 

Maj. Well, I'm glad to hear that. Come — here is 
Percy. (Enter Percy, c.) Give your arm to your aunt, 
Percy. Allow me ! {Offers arm to Miss P. Exeunt all, 
L. Lucy enters, l., after a moment.} 

Lucy. Well, what ever possessed the Major to write to 
that skittish young thing I don't know! I thought his heart 
belonged to Miss Partridge! I'm sure he squeezed her 
hand when he led her to her place at table ! Heigh-ho ! Well, 
when folks get old, I suppose it's the best they can expect ! 
(Looks out, c.) Oh, my eye ! Who's this ? A gentleman 
coming up the gravel path ! He's got a paint-box. An 
artist ! Oh, maybe he'll ask me to let him sketch me ! I 
fancy I'm a good "bit of color," as they say. Wait — I'll 
make sure of that ! (Still keeping her eye on door, C, she 
runs to table, L. c, grabs by jnistake the inky rag, and 
applies it hastily to both cheeks, theti lets it fall.} 
There ! 

(Enter Granville Crawley, c.) 



8 A FALSE NOTE. 

Craw. Does Major Judkins live here ? {Seeing Lucy.) 
For Heaven's sake ! 

Lucy {aside). He's struck with my looks ! {She drops 
a courtesy.) Yes, sir. 

Craw. What in the name of indigo — {Stares.) 

Lucy. It's only my natural color, sir! 

Craw, {laughs). Ha ! Ha ! Why, the girl has mis- 
taken the blacking-box for the rouge-pot! {Laughs immod- 
erately. Lucy rushes to mirror, R. ; then, with a scream, 
exit, r. Enter Major Judkins, l.) 

Maj. Why, hullo, Crawley! Glad to see you — de- 
lighted ! 

Craw. I happened to be in town, and I thought I'd look 
you up. 

(Major holds him by coat-button^) 

Maj. Of course, of course — well, I hope we have you 
for a good long stay ? 

Craw. Thank you — not more than a week, I think. 

Maj. Ah, so much the better. I'm glad you've come at 
once. Would you like to go up to your room ? 

Craw. My room! You misunderstand me, Major Jud- 
kins. I did not mean to say that I was going to stay at your 
house. {Aside.) I wish he wouldn't hold me by the 
button — it will pull it off! 

Maj. Why, of course you must stay here ! You will 
have to accept our invitation. Come and go, you know, just 
as you like ; but only make it your headquarters, as I said. 
Haven't you brought along your boxes and things ? 

Craw. Well, hardly, Major — 

Maj. Why, man, how many invitations do you require ? 
We will send for them at once. Come — I'll show you 
where you are to sleep. {Leads him, R.) 

Craw, {aside). Well, this is hospitality ! {Exeunt, R. 
Enter Miss J. and Miss P., l.) 

Miss J. There, Elizabeth, my dear, now you must tell 
me all about the Newcomb's case. You say she didn't find 
out that he was a pastry-cook until after the marriage ? 

Miss P. No ! At the wedding-breakfast, one of the 
caterer's men recognized him, and, clapping him on the 
shoulder in that vulgar way in which the lower classes in- 
dulge, he exclaimed, " By crackey ! " Those were his 
words, my dear Maria — I don't exaggerate, although I give 
you my word I don't know what the expression means — 



A FALSE NOTE. 9 

"By crackey," said the indiscreet caterer, "you're in luck, 
Georgie ! " 

Miss J. And the poor girl thought all along that he was 
a French count ! Isn't it dreadful to think of the way one 
can be gulled by one's best friends — I mean by one's worst 
enemies. 

Lucy (announcing from door, R.). Mrs. Carey ! (Exit 
Lucy. Enter Alce Carey, r.) 

Al t ce (with warmth). My dear, dear Miss Judkins ! 
How good of you ! (Kisses her. Play of disgust and sur- 
prise for Mss P.) How thoughtful you were to send for 
me ! Surely this is Miss Partridge ! How do you do ? How 
well I remember you when I was a little girl — before I went 
to boarding-school! How natural the dear old house looks ! 
. Only as I remember it there was no piano. I suppose that 
is the property of the musical nephew whom I am to take in 
hand! You can't fancy how glad I am to see you again! 
It was so kind of the dear Major to write to me at once ! 
(Miss Partridge screams and falls 071 sofa, r.) 

Miss J. Elizabeth ! She has fainted ! 

Alice. Oh, dear, dear ! What shall we do ? I wish I 
had my "emergency book " with me! I never remember 
whether it is in cases of drowning or of fainting where they 
pump the arms up and down ! Any way, we had better 
open her dress ! Let me see — you don't stand a person up 
except for apoplexy, I think ! (Goes to sofa?) 

Miss P. Go away ! Go away ! Viper ! 

Alice. Ah, poor thing ! She's out of her head ! I won- 
der if she is going to burst a blood-vessel ! I learnt how to 
tie up an artery ! 

Miss J. Elizabeth ! Wake up ! Elizabeth ! 

Miss P. I am wide-awake, more's the pity ! Oh, Maria ! 
Think of the perfidy! 

Alice (aside). Dear me ! I wonder if she's subject to 
fits ! It's perfectly evident she is not in her right mind. 
Hot rags and ice — one at the feet and the other at the head. 
— but I forget which. Miss Judkins, I'm very sorry to have 
arrived at so unfortunate a juncture — (Enter Major, R.) 
Oh, here is the dear Major! I am enchanted to accept your 
very cordial invitation — as I just said, it was so kind in 
you to invite me ! 

Maj. (confused). This is an unexpected pleasure, I am 
sure, Mrs. Carey. (Bows stiffly.) 



10 A FALSE NOTE. 

Alice {laughing). And I'll do what I can with your 
nephew, although they say that when once a man gives his 
heart to music — 

Miss J. {sternly). Yes, Percy's heart is given to music — 
it is useless to try and swerve it. 

Alice. Dear, dear ! That's not an encouraging pros- 
pect ! However, it will add piquancy to the situation, and 
the victory will be all the greater if I succeed ! My luggage 
has gone upstairs — the maid said she would direct the 
man — and now, if you will excuse me, I think I will follow 
it and remove my bonnet. You can't think how I appreciate 
your thought of me ! {Exit, humming an air, R. Silence 
for a moment. Maj. stands, c, bewildered. Miss J. up 
l. c. Miss P. up r. c.) 

Miss J. {coming down). Elihu ! Explain this ! 

Miss P. {coming down). Perjured man! Is this the way 
you dally with a faithful heart ? 

Maj. My dear Maria, I don't know — 

Miss J. You do ! 

Maj. But I protest ! I don't even know — 

Miss P. At least, you know that ! 

Maj. What ? 

Miss P. Mrs. Carey spoke of your having written to 
invite her to stay here. 

Maj. To invite her to stay here ! 

Miss J. It is perfectly evident that you did so. 

Maj. Why, I assure you I never wrote to Mrs. Carey in 
my life ! 

Miss J. Elihu ! Take care ! Don't add a lie to your 
already manifold iniquities. We have ample proof that you 
wrote to Mrs. Carey inviting her to stay at my house, and I 
simply want you to explain why you did it. 

Maj. Why, my dear Maria, the thing speaks for it- 
self! If I had been such a fool as to write to Mrs. .Carey 
such a preposterous proposition, after what we said this 
morning, what object do you suppose I could have for do- 
ing so ? 

Miss P. {sarcastically). Courtship can be carried on 
more easily when people are in the same house — as I have 
given you ample means of judging. 

Maj. Courtship ! Surely you are not going to accuse me 
of wishing to court Mrs. Carey! 

Miss J. But I assure you she shall not stay. I have been 



A FALSE NOTE. II 

duped thus far ; but it is the last straw, indeed, that blows 
nobody good. 

Maj. Maria, you are getting warm and confused in your 
speech. I advise you to pause and try to discover what this 
mistake is, before going to work to rectify it in a temper. 

Miss J. {furiously). Temper ! I in a temper ! Mis- 
take, indeed ! But I will sift it down, as you suggest. Lucy ! 
{Enter Lucy, r.) Lucy, have you carried any notes for 
any one in this house to-day ? 

Lucy. One, Miss, for Major Judkins. 

Miss J. To whom was it addressed ? 

Lucy. To Mrs. Louis Carey, Miss. 

Maj. What ! Did you take that note to Mrs. Carey ? 

Lucy. It was directed plain to her, sir. 

Maj. What the deuce — 

Miss J. Brother, there is no call for profanity. Do not 
make a scene before the servants. Lucy, you may go. 
{Exit Lucy, r.) 

Maj. Well, that throws some light upon the subject. 

Miss P. I should think it did. 

Maj. I wrote to Granville Crawley asking him to come 
and visit us, and he is here, so that note went all right ; but 
I vow and declare I never wrote a line to Mrs. Carey. 

Miss J. {with dignity). We will leave you to solve the 
problem. Come, my poor Elizabeth. 

{Exeunt, affectionately, L.) 

Maj. I recollect now ; I was in doubt as to whether I 
had directed that envelope at all. I suppose, in a fit of 
absent-mindedness, I addressed it to her. Crawley did 
seem a little surprised when I asked him to stay — as* if he 
hadn't received any invitation. But I don't see how I am 
ever to get out of it all ! {Strolls out, c Enter Alice a?td 
Crawley, r.) 

Craw. You say you only got an invitation to-day ? 

Alice. Yes, that is all — a beautifully cordial note from 
the Major, beginning, " My dear friend ! ' I was surprised 
at the invitation, I admit ; but I trust I m ide my apprecia- 
tion of it evident. Bv the way — is Miss Partridge subject 
to fits ? 

Craw. I have not the pleasure of Miss Partridge's ac- 
quaintance, and I fail to see the connection. 

Alice. Well, never mind. How jolly it is that we should 
both be here at the same time ! 



12 A FALSE NOTE. 

Craw. Yes, it is a fortunate chance. We have not 
met since that summer in Newport, when we went on that 
excursion. 

Alice. And got lost ! 

Craw. Yes ; what happiness that was! {A -pause.) To 
be lost with some people is pleasanter than — being found 
with others ! 

Alice. The sentiment is involved, but I gather your 
meaning. 

Craw. One begins to appreciate what is meant by artis- 
tic feeling. 

Alice. When one is an artist? Unquestionably. 

Craw. No — when one — feels. 

Alice. Well, I suppose it does apply in that case, also. 

Craw. And when I see you I can't help feeling — that 1 
could paint a picture worthy of the Salon ; — you on a dark 
sofa — if you don't mind, would you kindly go and sit on the 
sofa? {She complies, laughing.) Thanks. You, on the 
sofa, with a background of — orange-blossoms a la Burne 
Jones ; — your drapery falling in Vedderesque swirls to your 
feet. Then I should introduce a young man — if I couldn't 
get the model I wanted, I should paint him with the aid of a 
looking-glass — a young man, as I said, sitting by you — 
(does so) looking into your face — taking your hand — per- 
haps even pressing it to his lips — like this ; — and with his 
other arm, just to help the composition; and as a background 
for your light dress, behind you — so — and I should call the 
picture, " The old, old story ! " 

Alice. But wouldn't you be accused of plagiarism ? 

Craw. Oh, no ! Dozens of pictures are painted every 
year, called " Bathers " — but none of the artists are accused 
of a lack of originality. Certain subjects can never be hack- 
neyed. 

Alice. But really, Mr. Crawley, I could not pose for an 
old story ! 

Craw. Do not call it posing ! Call it real life ! Con- 
sider the story as told, and make me happy or throw me into 
despair by your answer ! / 

Alice. Have you any preference — 

Craw. Alice ! Be serious ! I am as much surprised at 
myself as you can possibly be ! No one could accuse me of 
being a marrying man — 

Alice. Oh, I'm glad you haven't become addicted to the 
habit — it would be a pity, at your age ! 



A FALSE NOTE. 1 3 

Craw. This levity is very painful to me, Alice ! Surely 
you must know that ever since 1 met you in Newport, three 
long years ago, I have never ceased to think of you! All 
my "ideal heads" have had your profile — all my "Ve- 
nuses " your exquisite figure — all my studies for "the first 
kiss" have had your lips — the chief merit of my picture 
which was accepted at the Boston Art Club was generally 
acknowledged to be the hand — which was modelled after 
yours ; — your eyes ; your exquisite foot; your golden hair, 
— all have figured in my work — (though never all together, 
as that might arouse suspicion) — in short, you have served 
as an unconscious model so long — -will you not now join 
your lot to mine, and be a model for me for all time? 

Alice. I've always fancied that it must be perfectly 
splendid to stand on a platform by the hour — but — 

Craw. Do not be so flippant ! This is, perhaps, the 
happiest moment of our lives — 

Alice. Oh, I should be sorry to think that! 

Craw. Do you mean that you will grant me happier 
hours still — oh, Alice. (Short pause.} Your silence gives 
consent ! 

{She leans her head on his shoulder. Enter Percy, c. 
At his first words they start apart, and sit at opposite ends 
of the sofa?) 

Percy (reading fro?n manual}. A perfect interval — the 
unison — close position — and now we introduce an acci- 
dental in the shape of the third. (Sees them.') So I am the 
accidental. I trust I do not make discord ? Mrs. Carey, I 
am delighted to see you again. 

Alice. I suppose you have hardly heard that I am here 
for a visit. 

Percy. This is most charming! {Aside.) I shall now 
have an opportunity to tell her of my ardent devotion. I'll 
just get the artist out of the way ! This sort of suspension, 
as in all cases, has its dissonance ; and for progression I 
must diminish the triad. {To Crawley.) Mr. Crawley, 
have you seen the new fountain in the garden ? 

CraW. I have not had that pleasure. 

Percy. If you care to go and inspect it, it is just to the 
left of that sycamore tree. 

Craw. I see it — thank you. Shall we go, Mrs. Carey ? 

Alice. By all means. You must play to me when I 
come back, Mr. Fenn. ^^ _. 



14 A FALSE NOTE. 

{Exit Alice and Crawley, c.) 

Percy. Flat that I am ! It never occurred to me that he 
would take her too ! 

{Enter Major, r.) 

Maj. Percy, my dear fellow — (takes him by button) 
I'm in trouble ! 

Percy. What is it, uncle ? 

Maj. Oh, Percy, never fall in love. 
(Percy jwnp s.) 

Percy {stammering). Wh — why ? 

Maj. It's not what it's cracked up to be! The poets 
make unrequited love appear very desirable, but it loses its 
poetry when it comes home to you — like most things. 
Yes, Percy, be warned. Be a hardened cynic like me if you 
want to get through' the world without extreme discomfort. 
You know of my affection for Miss Partridge ? 

Percy. Well, yes ; I can't deny that I do. 

Maj. Owing to a slight misunderstanding she avoids me. 
I want to make my peace with her. Will you not try to do 
something to help me ? Anything — I don't care what, 
just so you bring her round to where she was before lunch — 
she was lovely before lunch ! The way she sealed that 
letter! Alas, she sealed my fate at the same time! {Lets 
go Percy's button, and covers face .) 

Percy. Well, I'll do what I can, uncle. Here she 
comes. Perhaps if she sees me she won't be afraid of you ; 
and you can say anything you like — for I'm going to write 
a choral, and, when I once get on that, I am perfectly uncon- 
scious of what goes on round me. 

Maj. All right — you fiddle away at something, and I'll 
try once again. 

(Percy goes to piano, R., with music and pencil. Enter 
Miss Partridge, l. As she sees Major, she shrinks back 
melodramatically.) 

Miss P. Is not your sister here ? 

Maj. {nervously). She is not. My nephew and I are here. 

Miss P. {aside). As he is not alone, there can be no 
danger of an explanation. 

Percy {writing at piano). C sharp Major. 

Maj. I will — at once. Not a moment to lose. Miss 
Partridge ! why do you shun me ? 

Percy {perplexed, writing). There is no such key! 
D flat Major ! 



A FALSE NOTE. 1 5 

Maj. Well, my dear nephew, it is not necessary to swear 
at me if it was ! 

Miss P. I am surprised at your question, Major Jud- 
kins. 

(Percy writes vigorously^) 

Maj. Well, I acknowledge, it was not a^ pithy as I 
intended it to be. In short, do you still believe this mon- 
strous story about me ? 

Miss P. {betraying emotion*). I have no alternative. 

Maj. My dear Miss Partridge, I trust I can make all 
clear to you. I trust, with a little patience on your part, to 
be able to prove to you that I am still — 

Percy {dotting notes). "ADF" 

Maj. {starting up). A d f ! By Jove, Percy, I 

have stood a good deal from you and your impertinence, but 

hanged if I can mildly submit to being called a d f ! 

Aside from the profanity, it's not true. I am giving Miss 
Partridge the most lucid explanation in my power. 

Percy. My dear uncle ! I did not intend it for you when 
I said ADF! 

Maj. Then it was all the more reprehensible in you to 
address a lady in such terms ! 

Percy. Allow me to explain. A chord in my composi- 
tion consisted of the notes A, D, and F, and I was simply 
running them over without a thought of either you or Miss 
Partridge. These remarks are only musical terms, I assure 
you. 

Maj. Oh, all right. Only next time keep them to your- 
self, will you ! Dear me ! Now, your interruption has made 
me forget what I was saying ! 

Percy. I will go, then ! How hard it is for a peaceably 
inclined man to be at peace ! 

{Exit, L.) 

Miss P. To think that I myself sealed that note at your 
request! How dared you ask such a thing of me ! And at 
my confiding, unsophisticated ingenuosity you were probably 
laughing in your unprincipled sleeve ! You kissed the seal ! 
I, with the foolish fondness of my too trusting sex, imagined 
it to be for my sake ! Oh, base, degenerate deceiver ! 

Maj. Elizabeth, listen to me ! Do not rend my heart as 
if it were a piece of vulgar meat, and you the fierce lioness of 
the menagerie! When I tell you on my word of honor — 

Miss P. {grandly). You talk of honor, Major Judkins ! 



l6 A FALSE NOTE. 

I too have my honor to maintain, and I will not stoop to lis- 
ten to the shallow excuses of a perjured villain ! (Exit, R. 
Major sinks into chair, l, Alice and Crawley appear, c.) 

Alice. If I may trouble you to get me my wrap, Mr. 
Crawley, it is in the hall — thank you! (Disappears into 
garden again. Craw, enters, c, and crosses to door, r.) 

Maj. (springing up). Crawley, perhaps you may help 
me ! (Catches him by button?) Let me first fully explain 
the case. A slight misunderstanding — 

Craw, (trying to get away). Excuse me — I'm very busy 
just this moment — some other day — good-day — 

Maj. {holding him still). You know of my attachment to 
Miss Partridge — you must know how sincere I am in my 
admiration for her. Alas! she fancies me false! (Turns 
away face, and covers it with hand. Craw, takes out 
knife and cuts off button, leaving it in Major's hand, and 
exit, rapidly, R.) 

Maj. (without looking round, still holding button). Yes, 
Crawley, my dear friend, she fancies that I wrote to that de- 
signing widow — (Turns ; sees that Craw, is gone. Look- 
ing hard at button.) Now, how on earth did he get away ? 
(Craw, rushes through from r. to c. with wrap.) Craw- 
ley, my dear fellow — just one moment — explain to me how 
it was that you got away from me — no, he's gone. I won- 
der what is the attraction in the garden ? 

(Enter Miss Judkins, l.) 

Miss J. Pretty goings-on ! 

Maj. What goings-on are pretty ? I have seen none but 
deuced ugly ones. 

Miss J. Perhaps if your room overlooked the garden you 
would see the goings-on. That Delilah is setting her cap at 
Mr. Crawley. Poor, unsuspecting artist ! In these years of 
hard work and study he has probably never seen anything of 
women, and is not prepared for their wicked wiles. 

Maj. You're very hard upon your sex, Maria! I rather 
think Crawley can protect himself. Perhaps he has run 
after her. 

Miss J. A likely thing ! If men ran after women at that 
rate, I shouldn't be a spinster to-day! I tell you she is 
making eyes at him ! 

Maj. (with mock horror). Dear, dear ! she ought not do 
that! 

Miss J. I am glad that you have sufficient delicacy of 



A FALSE NOTE. 1 7 

feeling left to recognize the impropriety of it. Something 
must be done. Where is Percy? Perhaps he can suggest 
some way out of the difficulty. 

Maj. You might ask him — he's right in the dining-room. 
(Miss J. opens door, l.) 

Miss J. {sternly and slowly'). Percy — come here ! 
(Enter Percy, l.) 

Percy {frightened). Fugues and toccatas ! Who's 
dead ? 

Miss J. Don't use such words in the presence of ladies, 
sir ! No one is dead, or likely to die, but some one is carry- 
ing on a desperate flirtation right out in that very garden — 
(Percy runs to window, a, and looks out.) 

Percy. 'Tis she ! Flirting with Crawley ! {Staggers.) 

Miss J. You may well be shocked, nephew. 

Percy. My dream ! My symphony resolved into a 
dirge ! Harmony ! where is thy balm ? 

Maj. It isn't so uncommon as that, my dear Percy. I 
have been scolded for saying so, but it is done in the best 
society. 

Percy. Oh, it is not the flirtation which shocks me, 
uncle, but the participants — the woman whom I love. 

Miss J. Percy ! What are you talking about ? You love 
Mrs. Carey ! 

Percy. I — I love Mrs. Carey. My heart, in her pres- 
ence, beats like a whole bar of demi-semi- quavers — 

Maj. Percy, how often have I remonstrated with you 
against this bad habit you have of swearing ? 

Percy. Uncle, I am not swearing — that is a musical 
term. 

Maj. Oh, all very fine! Look here, Percy — you can't 
make me believe that a D F is a musical title, and I am 
equally incredulous as to the word demme. It is only an 
excuse for saying " damn," and you know it. 

Percy. Damn ! 

Maj. Yes, damn ! Dammy, if you prefer ! As to your 
pretending to be in love with Mrs. Carey, you have never 
even met her to my knowledge. 

Percy. Yes, I met her last night at the musicale, and 
she asked me to call! Maine St. — what number — ? 
Wait, I wrote it down here — {Crossing to desk.) 

Maj. {with gleam of intelligence). Percy ! What did 
you write it on ? 



15 A FALSE NOTE. 

Percy. I wrote it on an envelope — 

Maj. {wildly). Oh ! Percy ! On an envelope ! The 
mystery is solved ! Maria — don't you see ? He wrote Mrs'. 
Carey's address on an envelope, and I evidently put into it 
the letter intended for Crawley ! 

Miss J. {after stages of perplexity, suddenly rushes to 
him with open amis'). Brother! Forgive our injustice ! I 
see it all ! 

Percy. And you sent that to Mrs. Carey ? 

Maj. Yes ! That's the only reason she's here ! Oh, let 
me hie me to Elizabeth ! {Exit, R.) 

Miss J. Thank goodness that is explained ! Now, 
Percy, there is only one thing to be done — Mr. Crawley 
must be saved, and Mrs. Carey must go ! 

Percy. Go ! Why, she's only just come ! I haven't 
had the ghost of a chance ! 

Miss J. Poor, deluded boy ! Don't you know that this 
woman is a siren ? A bird of ill omen masquerading as a 
woman ? Don't you know that at the age of eighteen she 
ran away from boarding-school to deliberately entice a poor 
unsuspecting man into matrimony ? Don't you know that 
she is a most dangerous person — a widow of twenty-two? 
With money ? That her unconventional husband is dead ? 
As I said, she is a siren. Her face is pretty — to those 
who admire it — but her feet are as the claws of a vulture ! 

Percy. I beg your pardon, aunt Maria — I put on her 
rubbers for her last night — 

Miss J. Now, Percy, as you have gotten us into this 
scrape, you must get us out of it. Here come the vulture 
and poor Mr. Crawley. I will take him aside, and adminis- 
ter a few words of caution, and you must, in some way, make 
known to her that her presence here is accidental, and that 
her further residence in my house will be highly objectiona- 
ble to us. 

{Enter Alice and Crawley, c.) 

Percy. My brain is running arpeggios ! How on earth 
can I explain ? 

Miss J. Mr. Crawley, will you step into the dining-room 
for a few moments' conversation with me ? 

Craw. With pleasure, Miss Judkins. 

Alice {aside to Craw.). Probably she is going to ask 
you your intentions ! {They laugh. Exit Craw, and Miss 
J., l.) 



A FALSE NOTE. 19 

Alice. Now, Mr. Fenn, you must play me one of your 
own compositions. 

Percy. I — I couldn't think of it — I — 

Alice. Oh, don't refuse ! I depend upon hearing some 
of your own music ! 

Percy {aside). There's nothing to be done about it! 
{Goes and sits on piano-stool^) How shall I begin ! I 
can't think of any appropriate prelude ! {Suddenly bursts 
out with a forced laugh, striking one note.) 

Alice. Why, what is there so very comic in your playing 
to me ? 

Percy {laughing). What a joke about that note! 

Alice. What note ? 

Percy. The key-note — of the mystery! I don't know 
whether one would call it a whole-note or a half-note — but 
it was funny ! {Forcing laughter.) 

Alice. I don't understand these mystic allusions. 

Percy. Oh, didn't you know about it ? I thought you 
did. It wasn't for you. 

Alice {aside). I'm afraid of him ! I thought last night 
he was a little crazy, and this convinces me. I wish I knew 
how to treat insanity, but that wasn't included in the lec- 
tures. Perhaps music is good for him ! {Aloud.) Hadn't 
you better play ? It may make you feel better. 

Percy. Oh, I never felt in more perfect health ! It was 
such a good joke ! Of course you won't mind going ? You 
know I don't want you to go ! 

Alice {aside). He's a raving maniac ! {Aloud, backi?ig 
towards c.) Yes, certainly — I'll go with pleasure ! 

Percy {rising). Not yet! Not yet! I haven't ex- 
plained about the note ! As I said, it was not for you — it 
was for Crawley. 

Alice {stopping). Why, Mr. Fenn, what note do you 
mean ? 

Percy. The note that invited you here ! It put itself 
into the wrong envelope! 

Altce. What ? 

Percy. Yes — wasn't it a joke? {Laughs.) It was I 
who addressed it, but I wouldn't have sent it to you for the 
world — I — you — we — I like to have you stay here, and I 
don't care if your husband is dead, or if you are rich ; but 
they are old-fashioned, you know, and they are afraid of vul- 
tures, and they don't approve of elopements ; but I — in 



20 A FALSE NOTE. 

short, I love you ! ( Throws hi?nself on knees, and takes her 
hand?) 

Alice. Elopement ! Oh, what shall I do ! {Screams?} 
{Enter Miss J. and Crawley, l.) 

Miss J. What is the matter ? {Seeing Percy.) Percy 
Fenn, get up this minute ! 

Percy {rising). I've told her all ! 

Craw. This is a very unpleasant mistake all round. 

Alice. Do tell me what Mr. Fenn means ? Am I to 
understand that the invitation I received was intended for 
Mr. Crawley? 

Craw. That is the idea, Mrs. Carey, as nearly as I can 
make out from what Miss Judkins has told me. 

Alice {coldly). I beg a thousand pardons for intruding. 
I will go at once, and — 

Percy. Oh, remember that I don't care if you did elope ! 

Alice {horror-struck). Miss Judkins! Tell me — is it 
possible that you are harboring a youthful folly against me ? 

Miss J. {loftily). If you call such things follies, Mrs. 
Carey — 

Alice. I understand. Pray, say no more. — Mr. Fenn, 
I thank you for your — toleration of me. Believe me, Miss 
Judkins, after what has occurred, you will not be more 
pleased to have me leave your house than I shall be to go ! 
{Exit, R.) 

Craw. Miss Judkins, what can this mean ? 

Miss J. Mr. Crawley, I had just begun to warn you 
against Mrs. Carey when we were interrupted — 

Craw. To warn me against Mrs. Carey ! 

{Enter Major and Miss Partridge, r., her head on his 
shoulder. They do not see the others, who retire up, L. c, 
and talk together?) 

Maj. And I trust that a life of devotion will prove to you 
the sincerity of my attachment ! 

Miss P. Ah, Major, after this full explanation I can well 
believe in your love ! 

Maj. Do not call me Major ! Elizabeth — 

Miss P. Elihu ! {Covers her face and giggles.) 

Maj. {hastily withdrawing arm from her waist). We 
are not alone ! 

Miss P. Oh ! {fitmps to extreme r. of stage?) 

Craw, {coming down). Miss Judkins, your friendly 
warning comes too late. I am engaged to be married to 
Mrs. Carey. 



A FALSE NOTE. 21 

Percy. Oh, damn ! 

Maj. {sharply}. Percy, you need not excuse yourself on 
the plea of a musical term this time ! Did you say " damn " ? 
I'm ashamed of you ! But what do I hear ? Crawley — 
you are engaged to the — 

Craw. To Mrs. Carey. Miss Judkins has just been en- 
lightening me as to her past career, and, as it becomes neces- 
sary for Mrs. Carey to leave this house, it is also proper for 
me, as her future husband, to do the same. 

Maj. Crawley, you're not in earnest ! 

Craw. I beg your pardon, Major Judkins — I am quite 
in earnest. {Exit, R.) 

Miss J. Well, her sin has found her out ! 

Maj. But, Maria, if Crawley, who is a scrupulously moral 
man, has found her to his taste — 

Miss J. Take care, Elihu! 

Miss P. You still sympathize with the culprit ! 

Maj. {impatiently). Now, will you both tell me all you 
know against Mrs. Carey! 

Miss P. What don't we know ! 

Miss J. I believe it is an acknowledged fact that she ran 
away with Carey. 

Maj. Well — if she did ? She was in love with him, and 
her family wouldn't consent to the match. What other enor- 
mities are laid to her charge ? 

Miss P. You should not require more than a general ex- 
planation of such things. 

Maj. Well — give me a general explanation. 

Miss P. Why, she is a widow, and she flirts. 

Maj. She does? With whom have you known of her 
flirting? 

Miss J. You wouldn't ask that, brother, if you had seen 
her in the garden with Mr. Crawley. 

Maj. Dear, dear ! She flirted with the man to whom 
she was engaged ! That's awful ! {Laughs.) Why, Eliza- 
beth, what would she have said if she could have seen us ? 

Miss P. Elihu ! 

Miss J. And if I don't know all there is against Mrs. 
Carey, Elizabeth does. 

Miss P. Well, I don't know anything definite — but, of 
course, a woman who would elope once — 

Maj. Would probably know enough not to do it again. 
{Laughs.) 



22 A FALSE NOTE. 

Miss P. {ignoring him). But I thought Maria had good 
reason — 

Miss J. Well, through hints that you dropped, my dear, 
I fancied you knew enough things to~make it proper for me 
to be guarded. 

Maj. Come, sift it down, and you'll se^ that you don't 
either of you know a thing against the woman. 

Percy. I know something in her favor. 

Maj. Out with it ! 

Percy. She asked me to play her one of my own compo- 
sitions ! 

Maj. {laughing). Well, that shows one virtue — tact! 
Suppose we look for some more virtues, as we have finished 
with her vices. She is certainly very pretty — one — [Counts 
off on his fingers.) 

Miss P. (hesitatingly). She has money — 

Maj. Two — 

Miss J. And she is engaged to Mr. Crawley — 

Percy. And I can love her as the wife of my uncle's 
best friend instead of as my own ! 

Maj. And her manners are charming — 

Miss P. She seemed to know the right thing to do when 
I fainted — 

Maj. Five ! The virtues accumulate ! 

Miss J. She said the dear old house looked natural — 

Maj. Six virtues to one vice! There are not many peo- 
ple who can stand such a test! And the question is, was 
that a vice — 

Miss P. I think it might be classed among irregularities ! 

Maj. Well, then, she is an extraordinarily fine woman ! 

Lucy {entering, r.). The carriage for Mrs. Carey. 

Maj. Tell it to go away ! {Exit Lucy.) 

Percy. Yes — send it to — 

Maj. {sharply). Percy ! 

Percy {calmly). To the stable. 

Maj. I hear her out in the hall ! 

{Rushes out, R., returning at once with Alice, held by the 
sleeve, and Crawley, by the button of his ulster.) 

"If J" t Don't go! 
Miss P. > to 

Percy. Stay with us a little longer ! 

A ' y {astonished). What does this mean ? 



A FALSE NOTE. 



23 



Maj. It means that we want you both to make us a long 
visit ! It was only an oversight that Mrs. Carey didn't get an 
invitation — (confused) did, I mean! (To Craw.) That 
you didn't ; and we will all take it upon ourselves to be as 
agreeable as we can, and in future to be sure of our company 
before we listen to the tongues of idle gossip ! 

(Tableau : Crawley and Alice, c. ; Miss J. ha7iging on 
Crawley, a?id Miss P. on Alice ; while Major embraces 
Miss P., and Percy tries to pull Miss J. away from Craw- 
ley.) 

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DONS ON BOTH SIDES. A Faroe in 1 

Act. By J. M. Morton. 8 male, 2 female char. 

DON'T JUDGE BY APPEARANCES. A 

Faroe in 1 Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 male, 2 female. 

DORA. A Pastoral Drama in 3 ActB. By 

Chas. Beads. 5 male, 2 female char. 

A DOUBTFUL VICTORY. A Comedy in 

1 Act. S male, 2 female char. 

DUNDUCKETTY'S PICNIC. A Farce in 1 

Aet. By T. J. Williams. 6 male, 3 female char. 

EAST LYNNE. A Drama in 5 Acts. 8 

male, 7 female char. 

GA3PARD0 THE GONDOLIER. A Drama 

i«*8Acte. By George Aimar. 10 male, 2 female. 

GIVE A DOG A BAD NAME. A Farce. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

TIIS HIDDEN HAND. A Drama in 5 Acta. 

By Oobert Joues. 16 male, 7 female ehar. 

HIT HIM, H3 HAS NO FRIENDS. A 

Farce la 1 Act By E. Yates and N. H. Harrington. 
7 male, 3 female ehar. 

A HUSBAND TO ORDER. A Serio-comic 

Drama in 2 Acts. 5 male, 3 female ehar. 

rVE WRITTEN TO BROWNE. A Farce 

la 1 Aet. ByT.J.WilHanM. 4 mala, 3 female char. 

JOHN D0B3S. A Farce in 1 Aet. By 

J. M. Morten. 5 male, 2 female char. 

JOHN WOPPS. A Farce in 1 Act. By 

W. B. Suter. 4 male, 2 female char. 

THE LOST CHILDREN. A Musical En- 
tertainment In S Aets. By Mrs. Lewis Jerrey. 8 

male, 5 female char., and chorus. 

LOOK AFTER BROWN. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By George A. Stuart, M.B. 6 male, 1 female char. 

LOST IN LONDON. A Drama in 3 Acta. 

male, 4 female ehar. 




LYING WIL. mn^ift 

By H. Pelham V»*l W1V 

MADAM IS A, <D ^Z^^nh 

2 male, 2 femalt - -'" 

MARY MOO; or, Which Shall I Mar*j? 

A Farce in 1 Act. By W. E. 8uter. 2 male, 1 *«m. 

MONSSIGNEUR. A Drama in 3 Acts. By 

Thomas Archer. 15 male, 3 female char. 

MY PRE CIOUS BETSY. A Farce in 1 A ?t. 

By .7. M. >Iorton. 4 male, 4 female char. 

MY TURN NEXT. A Farce in 1 Act. fcy 

T. J. William*. 4 male, 8 female char. 

NICHOLAS FLAM. A Comedy in 2 A **. 

By J. B. Uuckstone. b male, 3 female char. 

NONE SO DEAF AS THOSE WHO WOAT 

H.'ar. A Comedietta In 1 Act. By H. Y. Curtis . 2 
male, 2 female char. 

i?UR3EY CHICK WEED. A Farce in 1 Ajt. 

By T. J. Williams. 4 male, 2 female char. 

OLD HONESTY. A Comic Drama in 2 

Acts. By J. M. Morton. 5 male, 2 female char. 

ONLY A CLOD. A Comic Drama in 1 Aot. 

Bv J. P. Simpson. 4 male, 1 female char. 

PAYABLE ON DEMAND. A Domestic 

Drama In 2 Act*. 1 male, 1 female char. 

THE PHANTOM BREAKFAST. A Faice 

in 1 Aet. By Chas. Selbv. 3 male, 2 female char. 

PUTXIN3; Heir to Castles in the Air. 

A Comic Drama in 1 Act. By W. E. Emerson. 2 
male, 2 female char. 

THE QUEEN'S HEART. A Comedy in 3 

Acts. .5 male, 4 female char. 

A RACE FOR A WIDOW. A Farce ii_ 1 

Act. By T. J. Williams. 5 male, 4 female char 

SARAH'S YOUNG MAN. A Farce in 1 

Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 male, 8 female char. 

THE SCARLET LETTER. A Drama in 3 

Acts. 8 male, 7 female char. 

SILVERSTONE'S WAGER. A Comedi- 
etta in 1 Aet. By P. R. Andrews. 4 male, 3 female. 

A SLICE OF LUCK. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By J. M. Morton. 4 male, 2 female char. 



A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A TINKER, 

and a Tailor. A Farce in 1 Act. 4 male, 2 female. 

SUNSHINE THROUGH THE CLOUDS. 

A Drama in 1 Aot. By hliugsby Lawrence. 3 male, 
8 female char. 

TRUE UNTU DEATH. A Drama in 2 A /to. 

tiy J. Sheridan Kuowlea. 6 male, 2 female cbM. 

THE TURKISH BATH. A Farce in 1 i ct 

By Montague William* and F. C. Bumand. 6;.n nit 

1 fenitile char. 

TWO GENTLEMEN IN A FIX. A Farce 

in 1 Act. By W. E. 8uter. 2 male char. 

TWO HEADS BETTER THAN ONE. A 

Farce in 1 Act. By Lenox Home. 4male, lfe» ,le 

THE TWO PUDDIFOOTS. A Farce i, ' 

Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 male, S female char. 

AN UGLY CUSTOMER. A Farce in 1 Act 

Bv Thomas J. Williams. 8 male, 2 female char. 

UNCLE ROBERT. A Comedy in 3 Aete> 

By H. P. Curtis. 6 male. 2 female char. 

A VERY PLEASANT EVENING. A Fare*; 

in I Aet. Br W. E. Suter. S male diar. 

THE WELSH GIRL. A Comedy in 1 Act 

By Mrs. Planche. 3 male, 2 female char. 

WHICH WILL HAVE HIM ? A Tande 

ville. 1 male, 2 female char. 

THE WIFE'S SECRET. APlayinSAtts 

Br Geo. W. Lovell. 10 male, 2 female char. 

YOUR LIFE'S IN DANGER. A Faroe i 

1 Act. By J. M. Morton. 2 mala, 2 female ehar. 



WALTER H. BAKER & 00., Publishers, Boston, Mass 

P. O. Box 2846. 



